“Winners make the effort, while losers make excuses.”
Frank Sonnenberg)
“You’re never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you’re never as bad as they say when you lose.”
(Lou Holtz)
“The difference between winning and losing is most often not quitting.”
(Walt Disney)
“A person either hates losing enough to change, or he hates changing enough to lose.”
(Orrin Woodward)
“Work smarter, not harder.”
(Allen F. Morgenstern)
“Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose.”
(Karl Lagerfield)
“Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.”
(Vince Lombardi)
There’s an old phrase that’s been around for years: “You win some, you lose some (WSLS), and some get rained out.” That’s the version that I’ve heard since I was a kid. Actually, the original take on this statement was uttered by the great Satchel Paige, who played in the Negro Leagues and ultimately made it to the Major Leagues (at 42 years of age!) This was what Satch said: “You win a few, you lose a few. Some get rained out. But, you got to dress for all of them.”
And, then there’s Casey Stengel, the loquacious New York Yankee manager for 11 seasons, winning seven World Series. He later went on to manage the expansion New York Mets for four seasons. The new team did a ton of losing in their early years, coming in last each of the years that Stengel was manager. But, Casey had a penchant for engaging in a humorous and disjointed way of speaking in his dealings with the press after games; this was quite helpful in taking some of the attention off of his stumbling team, often referred to as the “Loveable Losers.” Indeed, the expansion organization was well-served by his showmanship. So, you knew that Old Case would have his own variation on the famous quip: “Now, there’s three things you can do: you can win, or you can lose. Or, it can rain…”
What do we mean when we say that someone is either a “winner” or a “loser?” I would suggest that each of us has our own, particular meaning for these words. To me, not that you asked, but when I think of a winner, I see someone who does the most appropriate thing, at the proper time, for the right reason. (I’ll deal with losers later.)
Certainly, others will give these terms different definitions. Without a doubt, the first thing that will come to mind for many when discussing winners is:
•. What kind of job does he/she have?
•. Where do they live?
•. What is their income?
•. In other words, what is their station in life?
While we may all know of individuals who have been successful in terms of their financial achievements, in my own mind that does not necessarily represent a winner. Though I really don’t have much personal information about what kind of people Warren Buffet, Bill and Melinda Gates, MacKenzie Scott, etc. are, they certainly deserve some winning marks for their philanthropy. However, I’m still going to put success with finances in a more “superficial” category of winning. Also, I’m fairly certain that there are many successful “captains of industry” out there who make a fine living, but may not follow up on the philanthropic segment. But again, IMHO, I feel that making a ton of money, living an upscale lifestyle with all of its accoutrements and having the world by the tail — though an obvious sign of “success” — does not matter the most in denoting if a person is a “winner.”
I guess any discussion of winners and losers must relate these terms to sports; however, I will only brush up lightly against that category. (It would obviously involve a separate conversation of its own to deal with the innumerable examples of winning and losing in the sports realm.) I will simply cite a very obvious and famous example: “The Bill Buckner Error.” It was the sixth game of the 1986 World Series, with the Mets leading Buckner’s Red Sox three games to two. It was the bottom of the 10th inning, score tied 3 to 3. Mookie Wilson of the Mets at the plate with a runner on second base. Mook hit a slow bouncer up the first base line. It looked like an easy play for Buckner, but for some reason he lost focus and let the ball go right through his legs for an error. The runner scored from second and the Mets won the game. And, the Amazin’s also won game seven, and the World Series.
Poor Billy Buckner. For years and years, the media and fans in Boston never let him forget the error; there was plenty of fan anger and mockery. It was probably easy to see him as a loser at that point, despite a wonderful career up until then that included wining a batting title and being an all-star. But, Bill refused to be that guy. He didn’t want to be thought of as a loser; and he wasn’t. The following statement that he expressed in an interview with the New York Times after his playing days were over, showed what a winner he really was:
“There could be somebody in my shoes who would think that life sucks. But, I chose to look at it that life is great. You can make those choices. Everyone in life has things that don’t go according to plan.”
Yes, real class. A winner’s attitude.
I know that I said I wouldn’t spend a lot of time talking about winners and losers in sports. But, sometimes I can’t help myself. Besides, sports can often be a great metaphor for life. So yes, I started you off with Satchell Paige and Casey Stengel. And then, I threw in a little bit of Buckner and Mookie Wilson. I’m just asking you to bear with me; I’m setting the stage for something, I promise.
Listen, sometimes being a winner or loser in life can involve one person coming in first in a race or game, and just beating out another competitor, or perhaps winning a coveted job over another applicant. That’s when it amounts to a zero-sum contest
— one person winning means another person loses. There’s a classic study that looked at athletes in the Olympics:
“And they did something very, very clever: They just looked to see how happy athletes were when they won. They looked at photographs and had unbiased people coding what the facial expressions were.”
They were pretty stunned by the results:
“You’ll see the common pattern: The gold medalist is very happy, the bronze medalist is very happy, and the silver medalist often had this sort of blank expression on his or her face — sort of staring out into the distance.”
(“the Psychology of Winning and Losing,” CBS News, Sunday Morning)
The gold medalist has won it all. The bronze medalist is quite happy to have made it to the medal stand, while the silver medalist is agonizing over just missing out on the gold.
Well, winners often stand out as such to us for whatever our reasons; but, those we would refer to as losers will also often tip us off to their status. But, let me say right off the bat that, as far as my topic is concerned, there is a certain group in our society — who, while they have lost a lot in life and continue to do so — should certainly not be looked upon as losers in any way at all. In fact, for circumstances largely beyond their control, they find themselves as underprivileged and disadvantaged members of our society. To me, this is not a simple case of not working hard enough to overcome a bad streak of luck or not having the will to right the ship. Unfortunately, these folks are in a special category, where life and the universe have unmercifully thrown everything at them, and they have never truly had a chance from the get-go. Whether we’re talking about serious illness or extreme financial instability or some other devastating circumstances that were thrust upon these unfortunates, they certainly don’t belong in the losing category because they’ve never really had an opportunity to get into the game. Very honestly, they are authentic victims, and so not really a part of my discussion of what makes winners and losers.
OTOH, there are folks that we’ve run into over the years — acquaintances, co-workers, friends, even relatives — who can’t seem to find steady success at certain aspects of life: a good job, good friends, good relationships, a bit of financial security. I think that while we can have some empathy for someone who seems to constantly come up short and can’t seem to buy a victory of any kind; and, while we might even ascribe their situation to “bad luck” — we cringe a bit if that person pulls out their tiny violin, whines a bit and claims that other people have all the luck. In the Beatle’s 1964 song, “I’m a Loser,” one of the lyrics asks the question: “What have I done to deserve such a fate?” That really sounds like the refrain of a woe-is-me loser. It has been said that just because people fail at something or even a few things, they don’t instantly become losers. That happens when they start to victimize themselves. As a wise man once said: “ Some people are so fond of ill-luck that they run half-way to meet it.” (Douglas Jerrold, “Meeting Troubles Half-Way,” Wit and Opinion of Douglas Jerrold, 1859)
If we know of someone who seems to be in the losers category, most of us would want that person to eventually succeed. There is a certain humanity about a so-called loser that appeals to our empathetic and compassionate side. We would probably be rooting for this individual to turn it around —or, as Old Blue Eyes crooned it in the song Here’s to the Losers: “Here’s the last toast of the evening, here’s to those who still believe, All the losers will be winners, all the givers shall receive.”
I believe that a person is not really a “loser” as long as they haven’t given up trying. Losing doesn’t have to be the final judgment for a person unless he/she chooses to let it either break them — or, they find a way to level up. Even though an individual has done a bit of losing in their lifetime, there are still lessons to be learned in defeat. This provides an opportunity to see the flaws that need to be fixed. Or, put another way: “We need to learn to use losing as a relentless learning opportunity to figure out what we do poorly, and fix it.” (“The Psychology of Losing,” July 20, 2017, BEST)
And, when those who may have only experienced losing situations can finally — through will, effort and staying power — achieve some success, they have every right to sing out these words:
“I’ve paid my dues, time after time,
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime,
And bad mistakes, I’ve made a few,
I’ve had my share of sand
Kicked in my face,
But, I’ve come through”
And even if it is only a first step in turning things around, there is still a victory to proclaim, an opportunity to puff out one’s chest a bit and a positive mindset to maintain:
“We are the champions, my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
‘Cause we are the champions of the world”
(“We Are the Champions,” Freddie Mercury)
So, we’ve talked about what makes a winner and what makes a loser. Now, I’d like to turn to an example of one of the “winners” I have watched and admired in my lifetime. And, believe me, I’ve been quite fortunate to be around so many wonderful and caring human beings who inspired me along the way and exposed me to a winning attitude. And, I include in that special group my parents and my in-laws. But, beyond them, it also includes so many others in my family and among my good friends, as well as acquaintances I’ve met over the years. However, I’m going reach back in time to a wonderful uncle who passed away some forty years ago.
At the beginning of this essay, I told you that, to me at least, a winner was someone who “does the most appropriate thing, at the proper time, for the right reason.” Even within our family back in the day, we all thought that Uncle John Sena was that person. My parents felt that way, my siblings and I, other members of our large family, even acquaintances who we saw interact with Uncle John, all seemed to realize that he maintained a special place in the scheme of things. I think it is fair to say that most of us who came in contact with the man looked at him, and to him, as a standard for how a person should handle himself and manage his life.
I have a lot of good memories of my uncle from when I was growing up. I can still picture him as he was in his sixties and seventies. I’d sometimes go and help him around the yard; he always referred to me as “Bub.” Uncle John had a particular love for gardening. And, thinking back on his garden, it now seems to me that in some ways it reflected how he conducted his life — organized, kept up with, well-maintained, nurtured and cared for. My cousin John Sena (he was named after our uncle) described his own thoughts to me about Uncle John’s garden:
“It is somewhat a microcosm of him. The garden reflected his discipline, respect for order, precision in everything he did, desire for perfection, tenacity and serenity. I suspect he was most happy there…”
We lived just around the corner from Aunt Anna and Uncle John, so we saw them fairly frequently. Even as a young boy, I began to recognize that there was an order to the way that they did things, and the decisions that they made. I’m sure they had their challenges and tribulations —they did, in fact, lose their first child, a son. But, they were not inclined to call attention to themselves. Thinking back, very little emotional drama emanated from the way they led their lives. Suffice it to say that they could be counted upon to always do things in “good taste.”
Several years ago, my aforementioned cousin John passed on to me Uncle John’s war time journal. Despite this battlefield diary being over 100 years old, and its pages having been subjected to dampness, etc from the elements, I was able to decipher most of it and produce an abstract of my uncle’s running commentary about key battlefield events and his thoughts and feelings about his war experiences. The journal follows chronologically with his jottings about everything he experienced — from weather, to the long hikes, to rumors about an armistice, to being mustard-gassed, to learning of the death of four family members from the Spanish Flu epidemic; all who died, by the way, within a weeks’ time. He had arrived in France only briefly when he was gassed and taken from the battlefield in an ambulance. The ambulance being sniped at as it pulled away.
I followed his journey through both the mundane and the exceptional events:
•. The moment when this 21-year old learns of his mother’s death via a letter from home is quite poignant: “After breakfast, corporal brings a letter from home. Was not looking for surprises! Read the letter and then the awful news of MOTHER’S DEATH. I cried. Could not realize it. Great sorrow. Left in doubt about rest of family. She had passed away very quiet and sad.”
•. At that point, all he wants to do is get home to help his father and take care of the family of four young siblings: “Saw chaplain; after visiting awhile, then dictated a request for immediate discharge from the army — unusual circumstances. As to help father take care of the family of 4 children, indefinitely, for 14 years…”
• He had arrived in France only briefly when he was mustard-gassed on the battlefield: “Sniped at, missed, down the hill. Gassed at? Carried back. Rested all day. …Ambulance fired at as we left woods. To field hospital…”
Reading his war journal helped me to get a glimpse into the young John Sena — as he was on the way toward the man he would eventually become. Even in his early twenties, you could already sense the bravery, the maturity, the loyalty, the responsibility, the zest for life and the strong awareness of family in him. I believe that at a very young age, my uncle could see the big picture, as well as his place in it. I feel that he probably had a good sense of how his actions and decisions could have an effect on his family, his friends and others who he came in contact with. And, I think he took that responsibility very seriously. From my earliest memories, I have always thought of Uncle John as a very distinguished and honorable man, someone who typically and reliably always did things the “right way.” And, that to me my friends, makes him the very portrait of a “winner.”
As I stated in the beginning of this piece, each of us has a different definition for what we feel constitutes a winner or a loser. We see different meanings in those terms and have our own understanding of how we apply those to people we know and know of. I expressed up front that my own, subjective idea of what makes a winner is someone basically doing the most appropriate thing, at the proper time for the right reason.
So, for me, it’s really about a person having an understanding for what is needed and delivering on that, all in good taste. OTOH, while being financially secure, or even perhaps being the smartest person in the room is nice, it does not, to me, necessarily mark a person as a winner. My definition of a winner needs to come back to achieving something positive, for the common good, if possible. So, there is, I suppose, a moral element to my definition; and, I might as well also throw the spiritual in there as well.
In terms of losers, being down on one’s luck and running into obstacles, even more than once, doesn’t automatically, in my book, classify someone as a loser. But, to complain about your bad luck, to whine and declare yourself a victim and to give up trying altogether tells me all I need to know about an individual’s possible status as a loser.
So, let me end by paraphrasing that line I led off with:
“You win some, you lose some,
And, the ones that get rained out
Give you another chance for a win…”
Resonance 