“Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.” (Thomas Paine)
“Live your life in such a way that when your kids hear the words kindness and integrity, they will think of you.” (Anonymous)
“Shall I be remembered after death? I sometimes think and hope so. But I trust I may not be found out before my death.” (Samuel Butler)
“What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, either by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded!”(Ralph Waldo Emerson)
“The true meaning of life is to plant a tree, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” (Greek proverb)
I feel that when people look back and “think” of me, perhaps the first thing that will come to mind for many of them is “Frank’s Barn.” Though it might seem superficial to pin a major part of one’s own legacy on a simple man cave, I really think that the old building had, in many ways, become synonymous with yours truly. How, you ask, can that be?
First, the barn became a vehicle for my various collections: from beer caps and wine corks simply piling up in a wine box, to cigar labels, pint glasses, vintage beer bottles, church keys, beer trays, beer signs, beer taps, Charles Lindbergh memorabilia, I could go on.
People who knew me well, like my family and close friends, knew that I had saved “everything” for years. We moved from our old, historic house in Ringoes in 2018 after 21 years there. Along with all of the items displayed in the cave, I discovered that I had also saved many other things, which suddenly became dislodged from previously undisclosed locations in readying for our move — photographs, letters, college term papers, newspaper clippings, baseball cards, book reviews, etc.
In a lot of ways, the barn was me and I was the barn. It was a place that showcased the diversity of my interests: there were two walls of sports collectibles, and one wall of Lindbergh collectibles. Also, an entire bar area, filled from floor to ceiling (literally) with breweriana, wine and liquor collectibles. And, with the occasional political piece thrown in.
Finally, I think the look, the feel and the set up in the barn conveyed the welcoming spirit that I hoped always came across to my visitors. To me, there was nothing more enjoyable than being out in the barn, shooting pool, watching a game on TV or just having a drink with family and friends. No matter what the occasion, whenever we had visitors, before the night was through, we’d typically end up out in the barn shooting a game of pool or just involved in conversation.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the “playfulness” factor that was often on display in the man cave. My sons can remember the homemade mannequin that I created out of long johns stuffed with newspapers. During the early years, it sat atop a big, oak wine barrel in one corner of the room. It sported a Jason hockey mask and was saddled down with all kinds of sportswear and sports equipment. I got a kick out of having it in the barn, and Josh was always spooked when he went out to the barn and forgot that “Jason” was hovering nearby. Others will remember that I also had another, more traditional mannequin — a blond-haired, a tee-shirt wearing, baseball cap sporting female. Despite her mannequin status and inability to make small talk, I always felt that Suzie was a draw for my “customers,” and we did better bar business on nights when she was behind the stick. *
*(As a side note, even though I loved my old barn in Ringoes, when we moved to our townhouse in Furlong, PA, I was able to re-create much of the feel of the barn in my basement “Pub Room.” And, there were definitely some added benefits in the new bar over the old one! First of all, I now had a wet bar, which featured a beautiful, eight-foot long, Walnut, matched-grain bar and back bar, designed and built by Luke. Also, in the winter when it snowed, I didn’t have to worry about shoveling a 40-foot path out to the barn — I simply walked downstairs. Finally, right outside the atrium door was a patio where cigar smoking could be comfortably enjoyed.)
So, that’s the barn part of who Frank was. But, man does not live (or die, ironically) by his man cave alone. There must be other factors that make up a life, that stand for a life, and that make such a life memorable. I’ll begin, then, with what I feel were my positive tendencies. I know this is probably going to sound braggadocious, but don’t worry, I’ll follow up with my negatives in just a bit.
I think I was unselfish and willing to share what I had with those I knew and loved (okay, so maybe except for certain desserts.) I think I was generous (being a consistently BIG tipper for great service.) I was also inclined to be generous with my time when a family member, relative or friend needed a shoulder to cry on or a willing listener when they were in need. I also think that I was a pretty solid communicator (After all, I spent many years as an advertising and marketing professional doing such.)
Let’s be honest. “Fasano’s my name and words are my game” is not just a catchy line, it’s become a truism. And, that’s because where there’s smoke there’s fire. (Another truism). In my defense, your honor (and I only came to this conclusion late in life),I might not have been smart and brilliant, and I might have had the lowest IQ in the family (thanks to Cathy and the boys) but I was pretty sure that I could be fairly “clever” at times. So, that’s the position I took, and always stuck with. **
**(To digress a bit, I think another thing that folks may remember about me is that I started to publish a blog in 2020, at the beginning of the COVID epidemic. For the next four years I produced a total of 36 different essays on a variety of topics. It’s not that I had an enormous audience, but I could typically count on about 35-40 loyal readers each time I published an essay.
Obviously, being involved in the advertising business gave me the opportunity to write a lot of copy over the years. In my younger days, I thought that in my spare time I might produce the great American novel. Well, I never did write a novel of any kind, great or otherwise. I did try for a few years to have one of my short stories published, but to no avail.Finally, Josh suggested one day: “Dad, why don’t you create a blog?” The idea intrigued me, so I began to think about topics I might consider for my essays, I asked Michael to help me open up an account on WordPress, and the rest was history. At a certain point, I decided to record some of the essays and Luke gave me a microphone for Christmas one year. So, I have to give all three of my sons thanks for their assistance with my blog. Without their help, the blog would not have ended up being a reality.)
Now, let’s get to my tendencies on the dark side of the ledger. And, this is going to be quick, okay, as I’ve always hated to dwell on the negative. So, some days I could tend to be a bit whiney (or needy, as Cathy would say.) I could also be indignant at the rude and uneducated actions of people on occasion (“I was the wrong person to do that to.”) I was easily annoyed when people didn’t just do what they were supposed to do. I could hold a grudge like my sainted mother (but only if someone really deserved it). Oh, and to top it off, I could be a royal pain in the neck (Again, ask my wife).
Now, that didn’t seem so bad at all. Or, maybe it didn’t seem so bad because it got covered pretty quickly. At any rate, that was me —the good, the bad and the ugly. At this point, you’ve been provided a litany of traits, tendencies and interests, some of which might cause folks to remember me. But, in conclusion, I guess this is really what I’d want the old epitaph to be (as a matter of fact, they can start etching the granite right now):
Frank hoped that he would always be remembered as:
• a dutiful son;
• a loving husband;
• a nurturing father;
• a supportive brother;
• a caring grandfather;
• a loyal friend;
• a professional colleague;
• a responsible citizen; and
• a conscientious human being…
Resonance 